By Omolola Sanusi
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The past points one and the present points four back.
Fourth Finger : Closure
I wish I could go back, I wish I could have said this to you earlier, before that chapter closed. I wish I could look again into your eyes and give you the answers to your painful questions. Dearly Beloved, I am not sure if I have made you proud, I am not sure I am who you expected, wanted, but I am who you needed, to become. My love, you are closing a part of you that you can never go back to. Every moment now has ended, they say childhood is limited and now we have reached that limit. Dearly Beloved, I wish you knew now, what I now know, that one day you will own your own happiness, that one day you will be filled with your own joy. You will master the art of the sun and burn brilliance. You will master the art of a smile, corner high, show top teeth, lower lip over bottom. Of a laugh, it will be harsh, loud, unnecessary and imposing, but it will make others join you. You will not understand your own pain, I am not sure I have either, but you will master how to balance that pain with your new smile. Dearly beloved, my heart aches for you, not us, because you only know the before, but even with that limited knowledge you became so much. I know, I know, I personally know, what the cost have been, the sacrifices have been, the choices have been. You have astonished me, knowing where you started. Absolutely shocked me with your innocence, resilience, empathy and soul. Dearly Beloved, you had hopes, aspirations, and hungriness that were never fed because you had to first feed your soul, had to feed the emptiness of life that overwhelmed you. I wish you could know then, what I know now. You are loved and appreciated. Your words may go unlistened, but they were not unheard nor should they ever go unsaid, unspoken. Little girl in the empty hot room, with your knees to your chest, your head in your hands, and silence in your heart, I am so happy you got up. I am so happy you spoke out, I am so happy you could look inside yourself and find where you needed to grow. Even in an immovable house, you shook your own soul and stirred that life back. Dearly Beloved, you have not found yourself but you have found me. And I hope I will be enough. I promise to take those dreams, aspirations, and with the leftover hope in our pandora’s box, and never let them fall. You worked to strengthen tiny legs, now I will run fast, I will run away, run into your future well prepared and with conviction. I will not let you down. I will fulfill my promise to you. I will be everything you did not know you needed. Thank you for your brazen idiocracy, that strange foreign belief you always carried that you would make something of yourself. I have yet to, but beloved, you did. Oh, Dearly Beloved, congratulations. Dearly Beloved, I am closing this chapter.
Dearly Beloved, Happy Birthday.
Dearly Beloved, I love you.
Dearly Beloved I hope you will understand.
Dearly Beloved, this is goodbye.
Critique
This was simply beautiful! As I read this, I was struck by the flow and the effortlessness with which each sentence followed the one before it. I would categorize this as poetic prose: this piece has the dual quality of sounding like spoken language yet still retaining the musicality of poetry.
However, there were places in the poem where the winding language could have been trimmed down. I loved these lines:
You will master the art of a smile, corner high, show top teeth, lower lip over bottom. Of a laugh, it will be harsh, loud, unnecessary and imposing, but it will make others join you.
But I wasn’t as satisfied by these:
Absolutely shocked me with your innocence, resilience, empathy and soul. Dearly Beloved, you had hopes, aspirations, and hungriness that were never fed because you had to first feed your soul, had to feed the emptiness of life that overwhelmed you.
What’s the difference? The first lines are unexpected and original, and by listing features one after another, you construct a picture in the reader’s mind. “Corner high, show top teeth, lower lip over bottom”—we can see these things, just as we can hear the “harsh, loud” laugh. The breathless, rambling tone also works to your benefit, because the language is fresh and brimming with emotion. The second set of lines is much more clichéd. “Innocence, resilience, empathy and soul”—the reader knows what these are, but can they see them? Can they feel them? Or does it remain static, because these words are so familiar to us that they have become platitudes? You don’t have to use imagery or even adjectives to add life into these lines, but you should try to afind a more personal way of saying them.
Nevertheless, the conviction in this poem is powerful and convincing. The anaphora of “Dearly Beloved” carries the poem’s cadence, serving as a metronome that punctuates the winding sentences. It’s a phrase with a reverent undertone, which might seem out of place elsewhere, but here emphasizes the fierce and even radical nature of self-love and acceptance. Thank you for your submission!
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