By Naeema Hopkins-Kotb
Runner-up of the 2019 Spring Poetry Competition
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Coffee beans roast in hot sun,
Sweat down the backs from the labor it took to make just one cup
The fruit of their labor gives energy to life,
Yet the history that brought that smooth coffee to your lips
brims with tribulation and strife.
We don’t take orders, my friend,
We come as we are.
No extra cream, no double shot,
Our beauty has come so far,
From so far away,
As coffee beans shine in hot sun,
We are bold everyday
We are whole,
We are one,
We shelter energy from a far away sun,
You cannot see.
Because while you dim my beauty in my history,
You forget I have been handpicked in love,
Only the finest blood runs through my veins,
Only the brightest light has broken the chains.
You hoped could hold me back.
But black coffee is a force to be reckoned with –
Crafted by heat and hardship,
History’s blacksmith,
Black coffee is for the strong.
They dim its power with sugar and extra cream,
And, to them, nothing is wrong,
But they forget.
This is the land of the free.
This is the home of the brave.
Built on the backs of black coffee,
To bring energy to their life for generations to come,
The path black coffee has paved.
So tell me, what is the American promise?
Is it freedom?
Is it equality?
Is it truly in these values we find solace?
Ripped from African land,
Brought to rise up,
to defend,
to take a stand,
to carve a new brand,
Out of the rough skin of American
Discrimination
Segregation
Exploitation.
Forced to bring energy to lives away from its roots,
American coffee doesn’t seem to me to be grown with American values.
But there is value in my words.
There is power between my lips.
I am beauty.
From my curly roots to their carefree tips,
And if you can’t see I’m one-of-a-kind,
For your mediocre palette, my beauty is too refined.
And if you,
America,
Leave history hidden,
Unable to be retraced,
In the eyes of those who forget its roots,
black coffee will continue to find its place.
And if you think they’ve taken it all away,
Made it impossible to get back,
We have always known,
That the righteous take their coffee black.
Critique
Thank you so much for submitting to our Spring Poetry Contest and congratulations! I want to start off by saying that this piece is masterful. There are so many beautiful, poignant components I want to point out. I do have some critique to offer as well, but keep in mind this is your work and you can take or leave these suggestions. Completely up to you!
First of all, the way you separate your stanzas was a conscious choice that clearly works. Your one-line stanzas ("But they forget"; "I am beauty"; "And if you / America") work great alone, both to connect the stanzas before and after and to make a statement. The metaphor of black coffee, which carries the whole poem, is so unique and well-thought out, and it packed a great punch. I would have loved to see it introduced even earlier in the poem.
Your first stanza, while important, felt a little disconnected from the rest of the poem. I think it was your use of longer lines, whereas the rest of the poem has shorter, punchier lines. It felt a little like an introduction, which is fine if that's your intention.
I did notice one tiny typo in the third stanza: I think "You hoped could hold me back" should be "You hoped you could hold me back." Just pointing that out!
Back to some things I love that I just have to draw to your attention:
1). "Crafted by heat and hardship, / History’s blacksmith". I read that and I was like "hell yeah!" Way to use few words to really carry across an image.
2). "Built on the backs of black coffee." Your alliteration here is powerful and works great.
3). "We have always known, / That the righteous take their coffee black." I think this is a fantastic way to end the poem. It left me wanting to applaud.
You have these awesome moments sprinkled all throughout your poem. When all the editors sat down to evaluate the poem, though, some did note that the poem could be consolidated a bit. I know this is tricky, since every line stands out and says something important. Some hinted that if you shortened it a bit, you could really emphasize that powerful punch you already have. This is obviously a personal choice for you to make!
Overall, we all really loved this. Thanks again for your submission!