by Joe Haston ...................................................................................
Words can’t have meaning
When they’re all just empty strings of letters thrown together
Like they know something
Like they contain some sort of worth
Instead of just attempting to hold the type of water we can’t know but in feelings and instinct
Every alphabetical act is simply
An effort
Some come closer than others
Some can work them and feed them through tubes to a deeper place within
But ever are we still attempting
Never coming close enough to bullseye anything other than our own empty sockets
Constructing ideas like a shrinking Jenga tower
Wood blocks revealing holes in logic and argument and description
Even while beginning to scrape the sky
Will all along fall more easily as our letters are added on and on
Without the balance of existence
And the dimensions that bring in reality
Truth though can’t help but transcend
When a simple sound
Or a bead of sweat that creeps into the corner of your mouth
Or the afterimage of lightning
Or gasping with exhilaration
Means more
Than anything contained
On a page
Or a dictionary
And the only thing that doesn’t fall short
Is truth without elaboration
Because knowing is more simple than the endless piles of meaningless sentences
By which we try to define life
Even to comment on irony
I may as well have stepped in stale mud
And plastered the result up for all to see
That all is none
And yet
None can’t just be all that there is
(None that just can’t be all there is)
Critique
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Hi Joe,
This is a wonderful piece and displays depth of thought, breadth, and wit. I really enjoyed your wording throughout, such as the imagery you employed in the line “some can work them and feed them through tubes to a deeper place within”. Though simple, it’s original, raw, and conjures up a striking image in the reader’s mind, conferring a sense of physicality to your depiction of language as an active, straining effort. Nevertheless, there were a few things that I felt could be improved or better worded, which I think would really elevate this piece to an even higher level. I’ve listed them below:
1) Structure. Though I appreciated the effect of each verse being shorter than its predecessor, which gave the feeling of drawing towards a conclusion, there were some structural faults that hampered the rhythm of the poem. You used anaphora in successive lines such as “Like they know something / Like they contain some sort of worth”, and later in “Some come closer than others / Some can work them…”, but these instances were scattered and seemed to have been used haphazardly. Following some sort of structure (e.g. beginning/ending the verse with anaphora) would help to establish a cadence.
I noticed another issue here:
Or a bead of sweat that creeps into the corner of your mouth
Or the afterimage of lightning
Or gasping with exhilaration
The first two lines both mention nouns (by the way, I absolutely love the imagery of ‘afterimage of lightning’), but the last line mentions a verb. While this technically works in context of the verse, one way to maintain structure is through continuity, and it would be better to finish the third line with “a gasp of exhilaration” or other noun.
2) Use of enjambment. Enjambment can be a great tool for extending an idea beyond the limitations of a single line, creating rhythm, or inserting moments of pause that can alter reader’s perceptions of your poem’s meaning. However, there were a few instances where I felt your use of enjambment was rather clumsy, and did not add much. For example:
Truth though can’t help but transcend
When a simple sound
[...]
Means more
Than anything contained
Here, the line break after “means more” does not seem necessary. Your intention may have been to create a note of ambiguity before proceeding to “than anything contained”, but it seems to obstruct the flow of the verse more than it adds ambiguity. By changing the line to “means more than anything contained”, this section has a smoother flow and overall sound. Remember to use enjambment with restraint!
3) Grammatical errors. Grammar rules are generally far more flexible in the realm of poetry than in prose, but there were still some things that I think would benefit from a slight grammatical adjustment. When using “though” after a noun, as you did in the line “truth though can’t help but transcend”, I’d consider using commas, so it’d be “truth, though, can’t help but transcend”. Alternatively, you could change it to “Yet truth can’t help but transcend”. Both of these are clearer in meaning.
For the most part, however, your writing was also beautifully paced, and your ideas were laid out in a manner that was easy to follow, fittingly rounded off with a verse on the ironic nature of the poem itself. The wordplay of the last two lines (“None can’t just be all that there is / None that just can’t be all there is”) was one of my favorite parts—very cleverly done, and open-ended in a manner that leaves the reader in a state of contemplation.
Great work, and thank you for sharing!